I Wrote A Song

I wrote a song – the Mezrab song

It’s quite long

But when my tongue and mind were synchronized

And I had the whole thing memorized

I aspired to sing that song

one summers eve at the tolhuistuin

And I was ready – so I thought

But I was wrong…

And to cut a long story short

I realized just how scared I am about singing in front of an audience and that’s the main reason I never did much with all the songs I’ve written over the years which is quite a few, and why I didn’t grasp at opportunities and missed some chances I regretted later but don’t anymore but still I could have been much more… 

Is it the things we do in life that define who we are

Or is it the things we don’t do, that define who we are not

Are YOU doing what you want to do?

Good for you – if you are

If not – why not?

What is it that stops us doing that which we want to do

These are important questions to ask yourself if you want to know who you really are

If you want to be more than you are

More than who you seem to be

To you – to me – to we

If you believe you could be more – should be more

If you know your potential is greater than your reality

Your latent potential – your patent reality

Hiding the real you

Disguising the bigger you

What great things could you do – or be – if you were free

To be who you want to be…

Be honest with yourself

Like me – I’ve searched my soul for my answers

I’ve seen my potential

I’ve scurried through the ominous shadows of my fears

I know who I am – and who I’m not…..yet

Because you can bet – I’ve got big plans for myself…

SHE – a friend – “calls me dreamer still”

and she believes that,

And she’s not the only one.

But I can ignore those labels now

I know me better than she

And I’d rather be a dreamer than… well…

“I’d rather be head in the clouds than be sinking”

to quote one of my own songs – and I’m thinking

I do that a lot these days…

And I’m not the only one.

So who AM I – and who am I not?

I changed my facebook profile recently

It didn’t fit my new identity

Or my present activities

And if it’s the things you do that define who you are then I’m

A songwriter – I write songs – sometimes, I sing them.

I’m not a rockstar – too old to start on that road

I’m a storyteller

I’m a poet – don’t you know it 

And this is a poem, and a story, and could be a…  long… song…

And all this makes me a writer too

And this is who I am -  on facebook at least.

But I’m not yet a performer, you see 

I suffer from “stage anxiety”

and I'm not the only one.

But that’s a problem as you can imagine

I still need to learn to connect with an audience

I mean…

This is my priority – this is my dream

This is the mountain I’ve still got to climb

The dragon I’ve still got to slay

And it’s going to take time

But one day…

And if you think I’m doing okay now, up here, and maybe this is enough

Well don’t be fooled, this is all just bluff

And inside I’m a shaking, shuddering sweating wreck of nerves

But I promised myself

Tonight… tonight… I will not put it off til tomorrow

Or next week or next month… not again…

I’ve already put it off too long

Tonight…

I WILL sing the Mezrab song.